A childhood friend messaged me on Mother's Day of 2016, "I imagine that today has been a historically tough day. May today be the beginning of nothing but joy filled Mother's Days ahead."
I used to dread Mother’s Day.
For twenty-five years the second Sunday in May loomed on my calendar, a cruel reminder that I was a mother, but not a mom.
Some years were better than others. Some years I chose to view the holiday through the lens of pride. “I made the right decision,” I would say to myself, “and this is still a holiday for me. The word ‘birth’ may precede the word ‘mother’ in my title, but I’m still a mother. I still brought a life into this world!”
Some years I put on a pretty good front. I largely ignored the day, with the exception of calling my own mom. I acted unaffected and sometimes even cold when my parents or my husband or a few friends wished me a Happy Mother’s Day.
Some years I felt grief and anger and regret bubbling up inside me long before the day arrived. I cried and I cursed and I felt physically sick.
Today I'm filled with so many emotions I think my heart might explode. More than anything, I'm grateful.
To my parents - thank you for teaching me how to parent and for always supporting me, even when I made it really hard. I love you.
To my son, David - thank you for making me a mother and changing me forever. My heart has ached every day since you were born, and everything about me is better because of you. I love you.
To David's parents, Mike & Kathy - thank you for being the most kind and generous people I've ever known. Thank you for being the mom and dad I dreamed of for my son and for letting me and my family be part of his life. I love you.
To my husband - thank you for being my rock. I love you so much. I know sometimes I have been difficult to love in return. Thank you for being my steadfast friend and lover through all of the highs and lows. Especially the lows. Thank you for staying with me while infertility threatened to rip me- and us - apart. Thank you for being willing to pursue every option under the sun to make my dreams of parenting a reality. Thank you for making me a mom. I love you.
To my son, Michael Francis - thank you for making me a mom and changing me forever. My heart has grown every day since you were born, and everything about me is better because of you. I love you.
To those of you whose hearts are aching today because of children for whom you made other plans, for children you lost to miscarriage or stillbirth or accident or illness, and for children never conceived; my heart is with you today. I know what it's like to dread Mother's Day.
Originally posted by Erin Kiernan on May 8, 2016 via facebook